And You Thought I Would Talk Of Golden Shrines!

April 2nd, 2007 Onomichi, Japan

Memories are a funny thing. They are hidden below the surface waiting to show up at just the time when we least expect it.
I remember a time when I was sitting a potty behind a curtain in a tiny room. A woman came in and brought a tiny baby whose whole hand was so small, it seemed doll like. I remember talking to mom about this memory and more details. She couldn't believe what I was saying because I was describing the day mom brought my younger sister home from the hospital and she was picking me up from her good freind's house who baby sat me. Can you believe that I was just 22 months old?
This memory came forth today when I decided to talk about toilets and potty humor. Japanese traditional toilets are of the squat type and are called toire.
I had heard about these toilets from different tourists who came back from Asia and couldn't wait to talk about "the toilets". I listened with great interest and quite sure that I would never need to use them in my lifetime seeing how Asia was not on my list of places to visit.It is funny how things have a way of changing.
I must admit that among other things, using a squat toilet was definitely on my list of living outside "the box" or my comfort zone. I thought about it often and talked to Jackie about it. She said not to worry about it as western toilets have become more popular.
A squat toilet looks like a urinal laying on the floor. I was told that you walk in and pull down your clothes and squat. Remember I was telling you about the agility of the Japanese women and men, well now I know why.
I saw my first squat toilet at a tour site in Kobe. Jackie was good enough to tell me a hint. The wheelchair stalls always have Western toilets. Well suddenly I was happy and started to use them exclusively. For the next few days, Jackie would go into the restroom first and then come back to report to me about it's status. It's a western one, mom or it is a great bathroom if you need to use it. The funny thing is that I would only need to use it if it was western. Jackie caught on and then decide that I would have to find out for myself. Great trepidation followed me the first time and to my great relief it was a beautiful bathroom with many many stalls and most were squat, but the rest stop had labelled maybe a half dozen as Western. Yea for me again.
I would like to add at this time that toilets are squat or the mercedes type. I sat on the toilet seat and just about shot off because it was heated. Who knew that heated seats really existed? Not a bad touch. But God forbid they put more than one button beside the toilet. Then you were taking your chances as to whether it might shoot water or blow dry you. I speak the truth.
Once when we were travelling in Germany, I had remarked to my sister in law that flushing always was a new discovery and mystery. She had said that she thought she would make up the song about 50 Ways to Flush a Toilet. Japan is not too bad, but I have been caught looking for the little button more than once.
After a week of avoiding squat toilets and feeling kind of good about it, I met my match in an out of the way temple in Kyoto. It was squat or nothing. I could not ignore mother nature this time and had to use it. I managed but was mortified that I would come out with a wet spot on my pants somewhere. Don't worry I had a back up plan and that would have been to throw the sink water on me from top to bottom making out like some freak sink attacked me. None the less I managed my first squat toilet.
Now let me tell you another story that will make sense in a few minutes. Bill and i were young and we had Jill and Jackie who were 4 1/2 and 27 months respectively. We didn't have a lot of money but wanted to go on a holiday. We decided to borrow some camping gear and go on a camping trip. You know fresh air and fun. Well it actually was our vacation from Hell, but that is a whole different story. We decide to stay in a northern Saskatchewan campground. It was a bit rustic and had an outhouse. There was a flush toilet and shower but it was about a mile from where we tented.
Jackie had just been potty trained, which meant you had very little time from the time she said she had to go potty and the time she went. The time had come when she had to go. I picked her up and took her to the outhouse. As we approached, Jackie said to me "Mommy our bathroom doesn't smell like this." Since I was just one small step from gagging myself I said something clever like hold your nose. I procceeded to pull down her pants and set her up on the hole. Well Jackie was so small that I underestimated how far she would fall down the hole. I grabbed her while she started screaming and crying. She hung on to me for dear life and nothing would allow me to set that child back on the hole. She said to me, "I don't want to use the fall down toilet!" and that was it. From that time on our family has called outhouses "fall down toilets."
Life is full of irony sometimes. Jackie's home is many decades old and doesn't really have all the conveniences of a modern home. It is pretty Japanese looking with sliding doors etc., however it does not have a flush toilet. She has an OUTHOUSE!. Well it is attatched to the house and has a toilet on it. But oi. I really never realized how scary a black hole is below your bottom. I thank my cousin from the farm for that one. She was a teenager and I was about 8 or 9 and they only had an outhouse. I hated it. She picked up on my fear and told me that creepy crawlies and snakes and things that bite wait for you in the outhouse hole. My memory of that is crying the whole weekend in fear of the outhouse. As I said memories have a way of surfacing at the least wanted or expected time.
I want to say to Jackie that my bathroom at home doesn't smell like this. I suggested that she get an air freshner, but she did have one, but it up and puked and died. The only salvation may be the incense she burns in there. I will never like incense again.
I have to say that I had a suspicion about her toilet, but she never would tell me about it before I came. She did paint it a vivid orange and put a nice toilet seat cover on it.
But if smells like one and looks like one; then it probably is one.
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