No Thanks Folks, I Am From Saskatchewan and I Have A Hood

Umbrellas scare me. I just don't understand them.

First of all I grew up in Saskatchewan. That meant if it rained there was usually accompanying lightning and thunder. It meant you took cover lest you be the next standing target for a lightning strike. It seems to me that rain showers are fast and dirty in Saskatchewan. It goes something like this.
There is the hot sultry day. The white fluffy clouds build to raging black swirling masses of potential. The green wall of water would approach from the west. We would duck and cover. Within an hour it would roam past and we would be left with the most brilliant rainbow in the east sky and the bright sun in the west. Or at least that is how I remembered them when I was younger. Has global warming changed it?

This week, Calgary is experiencing the “Vancouver- type” rain. It is steady and wet and non relenting. It means that one will get wet if they go outside.
The umbrellas are popping up everywhere in our travels. The road race this morning even had bright yellow duckie ones. Cute, but definitely scary.

On our way out this afternoon,Bill grabs his umbrella and offers me one. No thanks I say, I have a hood.
Bill knows that I have a problem with these things. I am the only one that can carry an umbrella on a calm day and have it turn inside out. No wind needed. If not that, I manage to accost at least a dozen people along the way. I also get the one that never closes on command no matter how much I plead. And when I do close it, I have usually cleared a great wide swath around me. At least those English chappies will never get near another Canadian with an umbrella.

While in Japan, there was a whole new dimension to the umbrella saga. Umbrellas are a must in Japan. They are used just as much for sun protection as rain protection. On rainy days, the stores bring out of hiding these wonderful ergonomic plastic bag holders that are set at the entrance way of each building. The only way to explain them is like a condom for wet umbrellas.
The wonderfully talented Japanese folk in all of their efficiency are able to collapse their umbrella, insert them in the bag, and walk into the store without missing a step.
In walks Wendy. Hmm, I had them stacking up like cord wood behind me for one half of a block while I tried to collapse the umbrella. Shall I tell you that I had to take the plastic bag and find a quiet spot to finesse my wet umbrella into it. I guess that defeated the whole purpose of not getting the floor wet. Anyway by the third floor, I had it figured out.
The reverse was just as tricky, but you get the picture.
So umbrellas scare me. In my hands it becomes a weapon of mass destruction. Not just for those around me, but for myself as well.
Now when asked if I want the umbrella; I just say no thanks folks, I am from Saskatchewan and I have a hood.

WendyKH